Best Villain speeches

[Bogframe]

Magenta: How sentimental.
Riff-Raff: And also presumptuous of you. But, you see, when I said that we were to return to Transylvania, I only referred to Magenta and myself. I'm sorry, however if you found my words misleading, but, you see, you are to remain here... in spirit, anyway.... And now, Frank-N-Furter, your time has come. Say goodbye to all this and hello to oblivion!
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

[Eric H]

Connie Marble: You can eat shit as far as I'm concerned, Miss Sandstone, or eat anything you like, or do anything you like, just don't assume that I want to know your troubles. Now if you wouldn't mind, I'm a busy woman with a full day's work ahead of me. Please remove yourself from my office!

[Cosmic]

Dr. Strangelove:

Ripper: "Ice cream, Mandrake....children's ice cream.."

Dr. Strangelove: "....animals could be bred and SLAUGHTERED!...."

Those two speeches, not to be forgotten : tresbon:

C.

[crackerkorean]

What's a matter colonel Sanders, CHICKEN!!!

Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

[M Jarve]

Wonderful! Time for a celebration... Cheese for everyone! Wait, scratch that. Cheese for no one. I suppose that can be just as much of a celebration, if you don't like cheese, true? You've run a maze like a good little rat. But no cheese for you yet. Well, maybe a little.

I once dug a pit and filled it with clouds....or was it clowns.... come to think of it, it began to smell... must have been clowns. Clouds don't smell, they taste of butter. And tears.

- Sheogorath/Jyggalag, Shivering Isles

[elgato8905]

How can you pick just one from Resevoir Dogs???


Joe: So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin' and laughin' like a bunch of young broads sittin' in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Five guys, sittin' in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the fuck they got there. What should we have done, what didn't we do, who's fault is it, is it my fault, your fault, his fault, all that bullshit. Then one of them says, hey. Wait a minute. When we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around tellin' fuckin' jokes! Get the message? Boys, I don't mean to holler at ya. When this caper's over - and I'm sure it'll be a successful one - we'll get down to the Hawaiian Islands, hell, I'll roll and laugh with all of ya. You'll find me a different character down there. Right now, it's a matter of business.

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Mr. White: Smoke?
Mr. Pink: I quit.
[pause]
Mr. Pink: What, you got one?



Mr. Blonde: Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get.
[He removes his razor]
Mr. Blonde: You ever listen to K-Billy's "Super Sounds of the Seventies" weekend? It's my personal favorite.
Mr. Blonde: Guess what, I think I'm parked in the red-zone...


Mr. Blonde: Was that as good for you as it was for me?

LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Please! Please... Don't burn me, man.
Mr. Blonde: You all through? You all through?
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Look, I... I got a little kid at home. Now, PLEASE.
Mr. Blonde: [holding up a lighter] No, no, no, no, no, no. You all done? You all done? How 'bout a little fire, Scarecrow?




Mr. Pink: I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big fuckin' surprise.

Joe: [pause] How would you feel about pulling off a job with about five other guys?
Mr. Blonde: I'd feel great about it.

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Mr. Blonde: Eddie, you keep talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch.

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Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
Mr. White: What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it?
Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?


Mr. Blonde: Boy that was really exciting. I bet you're a big Lee Marvin fan aren't ya. Yeah me too. I love that guy. My heart's beatin' so fast I'm about to have a heart attack.



Nice Guy Eddie: Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but I think the last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee.

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Joe: With the exception of Eddie and myself, whom you already know, we're going to be using aliases on this job. Under no circumstances do I want any one of you to relate to each other by your Christian names, and I don't want any talk about yourself personally. That includes where you been, your wife's name, where you might've done time, or maybe a bank you robbed in St. Petersburg. All I want you guys to talk about, if you have to, is what you're going to do. That should do it. Here are your names...
[pointing to each respective member]
Joe: Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink.
Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink?
Joe: Because you're a faggot, alright?

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Joe: How does freedom feel?
Mr. Blonde: It's a change.

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Joe: So who's your parole officer?
Mr. Blonde: Seymour Scagnetti.
Joe: What's he like?
Mr. Blonde: He's a fuckin' asshole.

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[elgato8905]

One more from Pulp Fiction...

The Wolf: Jimmie, lead the way. Boys, get to work.
Vincent: A please would be nice.
The Wolf: Come again?
Vincent: I said a please would be nice.
The Wolf: Get it straight buster - I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do and if self-preservation is an instinct you possess you'd better fucking do it and do it quick. I'm here to help - if my help's not appreciated then lotsa luck, gentlemen.
Jules: No, Mr. Wolf, it ain't like that...
Vincent: I don't mean any disrespect, I just don't like people barking orders at me.
The Wolf: If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top. Clean the fucking car.

[Andyman]

Yep, Tarantino has some good stuff

[bluelake07]

"It's sad, when a mother has to speak the words that condemn her own son. But I couldn't allow them to believe that I would commit murder. They'll put him away now, as I should have years ago. He was always bad, and in the end he intended to tell them I killed those girls and that man... as if I could do anything but just sit and stare, like one of his stuffed birds. They know I can't move a finger, and I won't. I'll just sit here and be quiet, just in case they do... suspect me. They're probably watching me. Well, let them. Let them see what kind of a person I am. I'm not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching... they'll see. They'll see and they'll know, and they'll say, "Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly..."

Norma/Norman Bates - "Psycho"

[markc2]

Kill Bill V 1 as long as Tarantino is being bantered about


O-Ren Ishii: [in English] As your leader, I encourage you from time to time, and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced that a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is... I collect your fcking head. Just like this fcker here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fcking time!
[pause]
O-Ren Ishii: I didn't think so.
O-Ren Ishii: [calmly, in Japanese] Gentlemen, this meeting is adjourned.

[markc2]

Snatch:

Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

[vinyldavid]

Originally Posted by crackerkorean

What's a matter colonel Sanders, CHICKEN!!!

Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

Give this man an award.

[Fedallah]

The Stand by Stephen King. Selections from the reader's first meeting with Randall Flagg:

By dawn tomorrow or the day after that he would pass into Nevada, striking Owyhee first and then Mountain City, and in Mountain City there was a man named Christopher Bradenton who would see that he had a clean car and some clean papers and then the country would come alive in all its glorious possibilities, a body politic with its network of roads embedded in its skin like marvelous capillaries, ready to take him, the dark speck of foreign matter, anywhere or everywhere - heart, liver, lights, brain. He was a clot looking for a place to happen, a splinter of bone hunting a soft organ to puncture, a lonely lunatic cell looking for a mate - they would set up housekeeping and raise themselves a cozy little malignant tumor.

He would read as his supper cooked over a small, smokeless campfire, it didn't matter what: words from some battered and coverless paperback porno novel, or maybe Mein Kampf, or an R. Crumb comic book, or one of the baying reactionary position papers from the America Firsters or the Sons of the Patriots. When it came to the printed word, Flagg was an equal opportunity reader.

It seemed that he had come to them with a device gone rusty with blood and packed for centuries in the Cosmoline of screams but now ready again, carried to their meeting like some infernal gift, a birthday cake with nitroglycerine candles.

He had left the small Los Angeles house where DeFreeze and the others had fried not twenty minutes before the police moved in; he slunk away up the street, his bulging and dusty boots clocking on the pavement, a fiery grin on his face that made mothers grab their children and pull them into the house, a grin that made pregnant women feel premature labor pains. And later, when a few tattered remnants of the group were swept up, all they knew was there had been someone else associated with the group, maybe someone important, maybe a hanger-on, a man of no age, a man called the Walkin Dude...

[markc2]

Way of the Gun:

Joe Sarno: Fifteen million dollars is not money. It's a motive with a universal adaptor on it.

Joe Sarno: Karma's justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice.

Longbaugh: Well, I've never killed a man…
Employee: I beg your pardon?
Longbaugh: I said I've never killed a man.
Employee: I didn't ask if you had.
Longbaugh: You asked me why I think I was qualified, and I think that's qualification.
Employee: And I'm just wondering why that in particular strikes you as an important qualification for semen donation.
Longbaugh: I would say that's a big fucking qualifica—excuse me, a very important qualification.
Employee: No one's ever said that before…
Longbaugh: Have you ever asked?
Employee: No.
Longbaugh: You should.

[jimmymagick]

Woody Allen's "What's Up, Tiger Lily."

Saracen pig! Spartan dog! Take this! And this! Roman cow! Russian snake! Spanish fly!Anglo-Saxon Hun!