John,
I wish you well. Your story makes me appreciate my quiet existence even more. All I have to worry about is the occasional quickly settled misunderstanding between my two darling cats (mother and son siblings), after which one or both of them ends up spending the night on my couch.
Unfortunately I cannot get any cheap work out of them at all, despite treats. They make for a lot more vacuuming than would otherwise be necessary, but I sure love 'em.
Rob